Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Courage to Change the Things I Can...

I've been down. Spent so many years in depression that I got comfortable there. Happiness was not mine to be had; I was made for melancholy. Sadness my birthright, enduring joy belonged to other people.

I could do "happy" for about three to six months, but inevitably, depression, my old friend, would make another appearance. And finally, I got sick of it.

There hasn't been a drastic change in my life as far as my career, social and family life are concerned. The change has been my attitude. And now that I've pulled myself up from the melancholic quicksand that had consumed me for so many years, I see so many others where I was. Immobilized by their ability to only see what's wrong, or what's about to go wrong, they are a reflection if where I used to be.

My first instinct is to run, just as others distanced themselves from my constant negativity To some extent, that reaction is correct. I simply cannot be the company that misery so desires.

But I also have a responsibility to be an example. My focus, my attitude (which isn't perfect), and my spirit may be the light that they need to find their way.

But I can't do it for them. Just like no one could do it for me. No one could give me a new perspective. As I said before, my circumstances are pretty much the same; it's my perspective that's changed.

Becoming aware of my blessings and my ability to be my own blessing, that's what's changed. From there, I began to see a path for me. The light at the end of the tunnel stopped flickering sporadically, and became a full-on stream of sunlight, ready to envelop every part of me at any moment.

I've learned to create joy in my life. To be patient. To set long- and short-term goals and feel good about achieving them. To set boundaries for friends, family, and employers, so that I won't be drained. After all, they're not responsible for my happiness, I am. To accept myself for who I am where I am, and to never stop evolving.

Am I still a work in progress? Yes. But I am now endowed with the serenity, courage and wisdom needed to do just that...progress.

No comments:

Post a Comment